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Warning; Dog at Large

 

SPEAKING of the ARL….

(If you have been keeping up with me in my former post the last thing I wrote about was the ARL frowning on my having cattle and llamas in my yard. Which is a shame.)

Although I don’t know if I could handle more animals.

I mean.  I don’t know if my neighbors could handle it.

Our little cute squirrel loving, squirrel employment giving, bonnet making, this Spud’s for you neighbors really enjoy keeping the neighborhood safe. So much so that every time our dogs peek out from behind our house – they make a call to the ARL because they are afraid of them getting hit by someone trying to qualify for Nascar on our street. Rightly so. I don’t want my fur babies getting hit.

But, COME ON!

My dogs can take a breath of that fresh south side meat packing plant air without the fear of getting snatched by the ARL, can’t they!?????

I , however, hate that smell. But I think my pups love the smell of rotting flesh getting burned and slit off bones and cooked and smoldered and that pollution wafering in the air. They love sitting in the driveway and just breathing it in. But our caring neighbors think cars are going to jump the curbs and fly in the air Dukes of Hazard style and hit them in our driveway…by the house…but the by the back of the garage…in the backyard….in our fenced in yard. So the ARL gets called. And often.

Do they not have animals to save?

I mean save, save. Not dognap kind-of-save. There is a difference.

Do they not see those sad little commercials with animals in pens with Sara McLaughlin singing in the background. I cry every single time!

Side note though…if you were to see the two little dogs I have now…they look like some of those dogs in the “send money now” campaign. They need groomed terribly. They go in the backyard and look for the meanest, blackest darkest mud hole they can find and roll in it. Then they find the biggest thorniest thorn bush and roll around in it. THEN I swear they must find a bubble gum factory because they come in and it looks like they chewed bubble gum and placed it sporadically around their body. At any given moment they could be a spokesdog for Sara. 

Sometimes the ARL actually comes and sees that a dog might be sitting next to the garage sunning themselves, they might be next to the fenced in yard and not behind it. The ARL don’t take into account that I might be inside going to the bathroom, doing laundry or something super important like tweezing chin hair. It’s a thing.  So, my abused sunning dogs go to the ARL and actually get caged. They get caged for their own protection, from their own backyard.

Do you see the irony people?

Grabs my dog from enjoying themselves from our property.

What if the police did that?

Let’s play the what-if game. I play that sometimes with my clients. It’s rather fun.

What if… I was in my swimsuit, tanning. Sipping a nice pina colada and just enjoying the smell of the meat packing plant in my own yard. I am in the backyard by my chicken, dogs and the amazing surroundings of the Des Moines Southside. The sun is great, the sound of Nascar cars whizzing down the street, I say to myself, “self, this is the life”. I take a nice cool sip of my pina colada. BAM.

My owners are in the house and just happened to be taking a poop in the toilet, Facebooking posting selfies in the bathroom mirror, watching Netflix, causing a muck and having a grand old time because cause they are trying to be human for this vision and example. If you think about it, it’s kind of fun.

Speaking of pets being human…

What if our pets named us?

What if your pet named you?

Take a moment to think about that.

If you have a pet, go look at your pet right now. Right now. This requires a little audience participation. Do me a favor and write me a message if you did this. I would love your feedback.

Oops, got carried away with the game.

See how fun much fun this can be?

Anyway, how is this legal? I don’t the police can just take me away if anyone thought I was in danger sitting by my garage…just in case someone jumped the curb and could hit me.

Anyway….we got ticketed and had to go to court. I was so confident that we could win because I brought a bunch of silly amazing Hallmark quality humor photos of our dogs going boating, riding in the car and playing dress up. I thought I could bring the judge to tears and maybe get a heartfelt apology from the ARL officer. Sadly, no one cared.

Where was Sara McLaughlin with her song then?

You let me down, Sara!! It was a sad moment.

We were herded into court like cattle. Got charged for dog at large”. The judge didn’t care, nor did we have time to show how crazy we truly are about our animals. I was super sad when we didn’t win.

The greatest moment, however, our dog Hunter pooped outside of ARL right after we picked them up, it must have been the meat packing air that caused them to have a swift bowel movement.

Don’t get me wrong, like I said before, I know the ARL does good work and they serve its purpose.

 

As a therapist, I’m sure Hunter and Cricket never forgot the day they were stolen from our yard, how their mom and dad swooped in to save them like the super hero’s we were, but now all of us have PTSD when the ARL truck drives by. When they go by we immediately do a head count of our animals.

So the nuggets of wisdom I learned in this life lesson is? So to make things right and equal in the world. So,  I’m going to write down some suggestions of what maybe I SHOULD have done! Maybe the beard and I didn’t always handle ourselves the best. Maybe we got a little overly angry and misspoke out of passion about our fur babies. So, in doing so I’m going to give you advice on how to NOT do what we did.

Free helpful advice here…so read up

Ways to Keep Your Dogs Out of Jail

#1. Don’t have a dog

 

 

Author:

Photographer, mother of 6, therapist, traveler and blogger.

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